i've been feeling the effects of hard work and hard times rushing in. i have no doubt that God is faithful, but i am feeling tired. uncertainty is getting the best (or worst ) of me and i just want to sleep... but in the past, sleeping hasn't fixed anything. i know i need to press in. go deeper. i am learning how to trust God in ways i never knew existed.
discipline doesn't come easy for me and constantly i have to remind myself to be present in my struggle. its so easy to sit down and wait for it to pass... isn't it?
but what good is that going to do me?
i sound so depressed. i'm not. really. i have an amazing thing going here.. i am blessed with parents who despite our differences take great care of me, a great man who loves and supports me in ways i never knew were even possible.
i feel so selfish.
its always i, i, i.
is it wrong for me to be stressed out about money? or needing women of faith in my life? what good does it do me to complain about not eating gluten, when its just the way it is? why am i so terrified that i'm going to fail at my career. i am terrified i will never be on my feet. though nothing is certain except for the truth that the Lord is faithful..
maybe too many things are hitting at once and i don't know where to begin.
i have a tendency to blame one thing that stands out in the crowd when i have several things weighing on me...
i also tend towards detaching myself from reality. daydreamer? not really. maybe its a blank?
i have always been so neurotic...
for now i will just hope and pray
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