oh, katiekelly!

seriously

2008-10-21T23:17:00.000-07:00

red bean popsicles
are
h
e
a
v
e
n
l
y

i love you Jesus..

2008-07-29T22:35:00.000-07:00

but i need your HELP!!

i can't do this on my own...

haircutz

2008-06-05T23:01:00.000-07:00

here are some photos of some of the hair i've been doing lately.

enjoy!

(i have great friends+family)
clockwise from top: amanda, oksana, dania, lou

june 6

2008-06-05T22:39:00.001-07:00

i've been feeling the effects of hard work and hard times rushing in. i have no doubt that God is faithful, but i am feeling tired. uncertainty is getting the best (or worst ) of me and i just want to sleep... but in the past, sleeping hasn't fixed anything. i know i need to press in. go deeper. i am learning how to trust God in ways i never knew existed.
discipline doesn't come easy for me and constantly i have to remind myself to be present in my struggle. its so easy to sit down and wait for it to pass... isn't it?
but what good is that going to do me?
i sound so depressed. i'm not. really. i have an amazing thing going here.. i am blessed with parents who despite our differences take great care of me, a great man who loves and supports me in ways i never knew were even possible.
i feel so selfish.
its always i, i, i.
is it wrong for me to be stressed out about money? or needing women of faith in my life? what good does it do me to complain about not eating gluten, when its just the way it is? why am i so terrified that i'm going to fail at my career. i am terrified i will never be on my feet. though nothing is certain except for the truth that the Lord is faithful..
maybe too many things are hitting at once and i don't know where to begin.
i have a tendency to blame one thing that stands out in the crowd when i have several things weighing on me...
i also tend towards detaching myself from reality. daydreamer? not really. maybe its a blank?
i have always been so neurotic...
for now i will just hope and pray

updatez

2008-02-25T20:57:00.000-08:00

its been a few years, and so maybe now i'll pick this back up and have another go.
things are good.
an update would be that i still love jesus, i still love lou, i still love spraypaint, i still love cozy and i still love haircuts. i'm just actually officially a stylist now.
i am happy. and yes, i disappeared for two years and absolutely nothing changed.

but i'll try to keep on top of this.

welcome me back!

love,
kk

phontography

2006-06-20T17:38:00.000-07:00

huh?

wha?

duh!

i'm prayin' for a breakthrough.....

on our trip to northpark mall..

2006-03-28T06:28:00.000-08:00

i was adopted by a family of tuurrrtttlllesss!!!!
and i love ducks too.

cozy is so modest!

2006-03-24T06:37:00.000-08:00

for your viewing pleasure....

2006-03-24T06:36:00.000-08:00

i got a new lampshade. $1.49.
what a score.

in other news, i threw out my back.
ugh!

water lines

2006-03-20T15:28:00.000-08:00

ive only had one real spring break.
why did i grow up so quick?!

i didnt spring or break anything last week.

and whatever,
why is texas flooding?

to the holidays

2005-12-23T10:11:00.000-08:00

missing you this christmas,
i'm rooting for us...

the love

2005-12-13T23:19:00.000-08:00

it looks like we may need to get ready for a house warming!

warm it up!!

<3

between the lions?

2005-12-01T13:01:00.000-08:00

louis is the cutest boyfriend ever!!

me: have a good day!
him: i love you too!

and so, i continue to swoon.

waste

2005-11-11T14:15:00.000-08:00

i love all my children(the soap)
i need to take clothes to the cleaners
i finally paid my rent
i went to the thrift store
i drank half a pot of coffee
God did a number on me today, and it was AMAZING
however...
i am being so lazy today!

as soon as oprah is over, i am going to go for a walk.

i am totally acting like a sloth
[see below for details]

i keep discovering new bruises.
it totally looks like either:
a. i am getting beaten
or
b. i party like its spring break.

fortunately i go to the oncologist on monday.
i pray this is my last visit, though i have been going to him for a year.

my to-do list keeps growing
while
my bank account keeps shrinking

i believe, dear heart.. we are having a breakthrough!

i don't know how i did it before i began to pray...

all-class

2005-11-09T20:16:00.000-08:00

when left to me, i suggest taco bell every time.
and
i can not stop shopping.
!!
sheesh.

life is good.

stand up for what you love!

2005-11-09T10:53:00.000-08:00

so far, today is awesome.
God-bless Lou for waking me up at 7:30 this morning to go exercize.
i had the b-e-s-t jog/hike
(i say hike because i off-roaded to the forbidden trails in the woods)
it seriously was so beautiful.
the sunshine kept breaking through the trees and kissing my face and i couldnt help but thank the Lord for the romance he's injected into nature.

!!!

it makes me so nuts!
its like...
i
am in
a love affair
with
every
tumbling
rumbling
red
green
and
gold
leaf!

WHEW

and another thing:
i should be getting ready for work..
BUT
i can't stop looking at myspace and stalking people i went to high school with.

yah, i'm not even gonna pretend i don't do it.

at least all my dishes are done.

*shrug*

there are no words

2005-11-08T08:40:00.000-08:00

amazing. just amazing!

should someone drive me to work?

stretch goodbody

2005-11-07T09:07:00.000-08:00

i am so achy today...
every muscle is malfunctioning.

why do i feel like i've been on a flying trapeze?

please, friends, do not ever take for granted your health.

cuddle up with your favorite blanket or boy

2005-11-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

'"It's all right for a woman
to be, above all, human.
am a woman first of all."
- anais nin

'the ladies' have been here for a few days and i'm achin' like a sailor who cant help but miss his mother...
YOW!
bunny, i need a tum rub.
waaah...

and in less complain-y news:
lydia is moving into my house for a few days.
it'll be awesome to get to be girls and pray!
amanda is also spending the night on saturday and i am SO EXCITED
because even though i haven't met her, i hear she is amazing and is super anointed in the prophetic and YES! i am just so exicted!
plus i love playing hostess.
mainly because my house is so cute.
!
eeeek!

do not take anything for granted...

2005-11-03T16:27:00.000-08:00

today was a pretty good day.
it started off great and just continued to be good!
at 9am i was at my desk doing paperwork, surrounded by my staff and my phone rang
typically i don't answer it, but it was my boyfriend and i thought something might be wrong
"hey i thought you were at work!"
"i am, i just got in.."
"aww i was going to leave you a cute message telling you i loved you!"
so naturally, i am blushing and my girls are all staring at me...

and anyway

it was so cute and i am still blushing.

mmmph!

things have been good as of late.
saw my friend orenda on tuesday.
i hadn't seen her in over a year, so that was awesome.
i missed her wedding (and a trip to omaha) during the beginning of all the lupus stuff...
shes pretty as ever making lovely music.

i'm getting better at this.

a prayer.

2005-10-30T21:38:00.000-08:00

and then it happened.
right in the middle of service.
and pastor wept.
asked the people to pray for the family of our recent loss.
such a tragedy...
(you see, a young pastor at a gen x church in waco died today. in the baptism.
an ungrounded microphone fell in the water and electrocuted him. welcome home, they say...)
such a man of God!
i could not bring myself to pray for grieving hearts.
nor could i pray for his wife and children.
only that this might reinforce to all of us that we are not in control.
i hope i never have control again.

and as the church prayed, we stopped.
and listened.
then she said, "this is what it must sound like in Gods head!"
mumbled whispers
a roar of heart!

why do we wait for crisis, a tragedy or failure before we are really really good at praying?

well! i'll be!

2005-10-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

i am grumpy!

i hope it is because my ladies are about to visit.

no, really...

2005-10-28T17:12:00.000-07:00

i miss my bunny!

to every woman...

2005-10-28T14:39:00.000-07:00

"we need not be ashamed that our hearts ache; that we need and thirst and hunger for much more. all of our hearts ache. all of our hearts are at some level unsatisfied and longing. it is our insatiable need for more that drives us to our God. what we need to see is that all our controlling and our hiding, all our indulging, actually serves to separate us from our hearts. we lose touch with those longings that make us women. and the substitutes never, ever resolve the deeper issue of our souls."

i'll just take it easy

2005-10-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

last night was casiotone for the painfully alone.
amazing, as always.

actually, this i saw him he was much more talkative
telling stories, etc...
everyone was out and about and in the best moods ever!
he played at mable peabodys... and if you missed it, i do apologize.
perhaps he will be at a club near you soon! (tour dates here >>>)
he is touring with dear nora.
her name is not nora, just so you know.
it is katy (like me! different spelling)
her voice is angelic. i cant stand it!

today includes seeing bachs minor b mass
the twins are singing in it with grad students as sophomores!
they are the youngest people in it!
my little sisters are so amazing.
i can't wait to see them.

hopefully life will come to a point where everyone can slow down and finally get to enjoy each other.
i just go and go and go and UGH.
i am tired of missing everyone.
i miss my family, who live close and i never see them.
i miss my friends who remind me how much i never go out.
i miss my boyfriend(for obvious reasons including roughly 1000 miles)
these are all temporary, though..
and i am thankful for my job.
and i am confident in God's plan!
His way is better than my own!
amen!

air filled lungs

2005-10-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

caroline, dania and i just got back from a jog.

the weather was near-perfect and the air was just cool enough to kiss your cheeks in a way that lets you know there is still time to be alive..

i made dinner tonight.
food+friends is choice!

how great is our God?

cleaning up messes.

2005-10-14T17:59:00.000-07:00

this would look perfect in my bedroom.

i will have it soon.

there is a reason they are called classics...

more here

also:
i just got back from a walk.
i had some awesome time with the Father.
the weather is perfect!
i had such a good day.
i only worked 9-1.
i feel awesome!
love! love! love!

frankly

2005-10-13T09:22:00.000-07:00

the defining moment.

i am spinning.

man

2005-10-10T09:43:00.000-07:00

he is here

and

i am wayyy in love.

!

natalie dee says it best

2005-10-07T14:34:00.000-07:00

serious.

who knew my mind could be read

2005-10-05T12:23:00.000-07:00

this is a dream come true:

more info here

shed some light...

2005-10-05T10:07:00.000-07:00

who knew it would be so difficult to find a replacement lightbulb for my starck lamp.
seriously.
i love it, its beautiful.. but i'd like it much better lit up.

for those who do not know:
philippe starck is to design
as david letterman is to late night.

todays agenda:
i need to go to frisco to Gap and ikea
Gap for a return on pants that i thought were cute, but once i got them home... they were huge and too long.
ugh.
i dont know who they make them for.
ikea to try and find a lightbulb for my lamp
other than that i'm just going to hang out and try and spend some time with the Lord.
which is well deserved...

i think thats it.

who knew it would be so soon..

2005-10-04T19:50:00.000-07:00

just so you all know,
it makes a person seem disgusting when they casually swear in their blog. or in real life..

f-bombs are sooo over.

but!
i love my new blonde hair.
i wont lie..
i feel like the sassiest, prettiest girl on earth:
(nevermind GAPPY business attire; a girls got to earn a living)

my heart couldn't beat any faster. ive been waiting six years for this...
4 days left.

praise God.
He works in ways i will never understand, but continue to give thanks for...
!!
amen

make some illinoise!

2005-10-01T23:25:00.000-07:00

its hard to believe that in less than a week we will be sleeping under the same roof.

i am all over the place!

six days.

xoxo

seriously.

2005-09-26T16:44:00.000-07:00

i have no space for liars.

my hands are washed of it.

jack white once said...
"i'm lonely (but i aint that lonely yet)"

on a side note...
the average amaerican spends more money on their dog in one year than a nigerian man does to feed his family for a year.

and somehow this is not shocking. any of it.

put it down; get it back

2005-06-26T07:05:00.000-07:00

i've never loved someone so much that i was willing to wait on God to give me the go-ahead.

until now.

i am starting to understand what is going on.
or at least i'm in the right direction.

i am full of joy!

i miss you//i love you.

heres to looking at you, kid

2005-05-17T18:53:00.000-07:00

if sighing is contagious...

...then what about loneliness?

this will never stop being a fight, praise God!

I will remain passive, as it is apparent that
(for some reason or another):
I have been replaced.
or ignored.
or have overreacted.

I guess somewhere along the lines I fell away from the one friend who is forever.

it starts small... a negative thought.. ignoring the person who needs help.
it turns into greed and impatience until before you know it you are lonely and angry and hate everything you never meant to become.

Thank God for repentance!

there is one thing, however, I have learned.

suffering will not absolve you from your sins.

much to the dismay of the greater portion of Christians.

this is real

2005-05-08T19:24:00.000-07:00

the more you hear God, the less anything else seems to matter.
through parcels and phonecalls i am learning ultimate patience.

i wouldnt change anything..
except maybe
the chance
to get to
look you in the eyes
and tell you
that i love you

faith, above all

2005-02-17T23:33:00.000-08:00

today i realized i do not have to fight for my life.
i have never felt this before.
we are each so blessed.
grace is beauty.
amen.

simple

2005-01-04T10:39:00.000-08:00

six days to a fresh start.

ten white knuckles.

white trash

2004-12-31T23:20:00.000-08:00

I AM 31% WHITE TRASH!

The white trash in my blood will not keep me from becoming a doctor or a lawyer, but it will keep me from a good haircut and any sort of fashion sense.

Take the WHITE TRASH test at Fuali.com

help! i need somebody

2004-12-26T23:01:00.000-08:00

my 'to do' list is about a mile long
and i'm searching for eagerness.

help!

love,
katie

i'm doing my best

2004-12-26T13:07:00.000-08:00

Christmas was awesome.
I love my sisters.
everyone was here except Gretchen, and hopefully we'll get to see her this week..
Caroline came over and we went to Shils house to feed enid
We watched Napoleon Dynamite
and complimented it with corona...

in two weeks i'll be moving into my new apartment.
i can not explain the level of elation i am at..

I've got to go pack...

I thank God for each one of you.

time off well deserved.

2004-12-21T20:35:00.000-08:00

somehow i have remained oblivious to the fact that i've been accumulating truckloads of PTO[paid time off]
so January is going to be awesome as i have close to 3 weeks worth of vacation time i need to take that i had no idea i had..

v a c a t i o n !

God is so awesome!

tomorrow is going to be busy..
doctors appointment
apply for apartment
work 3-midnight
saturday is almost here...

dont x-out your savior

2004-12-17T21:49:00.000-08:00

when the clock strikes eleven eleven, i can't help but make a wish.

it feels like winter in texas.
finally!

i recieved three thank-you's in the mail today.
all for unrelated things
and boy am i glad those are popular again.
thank-you's i mean.

thank God for every breath thats in these lungs.
for every stone unturned
and the doors we have yet to open
for the renewal of our minds
the breaking of our hearts
and the healing of our hopes.

thank God for not seeing
but knowing.

all these lists of gifts
for[giving]
and
for[getting]

have we forgotten the true meaning of christmas?

pajama party

2004-12-14T08:34:00.000-08:00

i must have the cutest kitty on earth!

i have the day off
and i dont have 900 things to do
praise God!
Caroline and I are going to go apartment hunting.
[hopefully]
thats the plan, though i havent heard from her.
hopefully we get together early so i can go to church tonight.

I'm starting to get really excited about moving.

fresh start

2004-12-08T16:38:00.000-08:00

i had x rays on my chest, back and abdomen
blood drawn
and an EKG
i also got to get naked for a woman
talk about excitement!
4 prescriptions later, heres to hoping i am on the highway to health..

WHEW.

is it january yet?

foosh ball

2004-12-04T01:09:00.000-08:00

i am quite fond of dance dance revolution.

phone call

2004-11-25T19:54:00.000-08:00

"if this is only a test
i hope that i'm passing
'cause i'm losing steam
and i still want to trust you"

something about the holidays makes me wish i could fight through them in peace.

this is the first year in a series of many that i wont be on routine, and though i will admit i am over it...i still have to figure out what to do with myself.

things are changing and i just can't help but praise god.

we had turkey of the "oprahs favorite things 2003" persuasion
trade in your trouser socks for slippers
i cant help but go home alone to shine my pointy shoes.

safety in numbers

2004-11-02T17:00:00.000-08:00

"I wish I could melt the miles into minutes,
and hold you in my arms for hours;
letting you know that it's all going to be alright"

((...and it will be alright
I know everything will be fine))

more photos...

2004-10-23T23:15:00.000-07:00

pumpkin carving; ie: letting your light shine...

mine is front and center.

best friends

2004-10-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

photobooth//10.16.2004

sillyyumm

2004-10-15T20:27:00.000-07:00

me[on the right eating cookies] at bible study.

check out the "omg i love oatmeal raisin cookies" face
!!

filling up the space i never intended to

2004-10-15T18:20:00.000-07:00

You know that point in your life that the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore. That idea of home is gone. Maybe that's all family really is, a group of people that miss the same imaginary place.
-Andrew Largeman

i am cat-sitting at shils.
hes in new york at cmj attending all the parties
i hope he is having an awesome time.
i know he is.

i get to inhabit his otherwise humanless home.
the peace is nice, as well as the quiet.

so tonight i sit and i meditate.
i long for the greens and golds
of the changing leaves
in midwestern states.
there is a chill tonight
and somehow
i feel so comfortable
knowing all men
must breathe
the same air.
that is something we are all equally afforded.
air.
thats very sobering, isn't it?
it is something none of us can do without.
we can purify it to an extent, as we do with water...but we all draw it from the same place.
and we can't bottle our air so much to a point that we will never be exposed to the impurities that lie within it.
but with all the impurities, it still has a sweetness.
it has a way of creeping onto our lips...
so silently
so secretly
that we don't even realize it is sustaining us.
no matter what our race/religion/sex/status.
no matter how big our bank account is...
we all breathe the same air.

i am eleven.
just touched the bottom of the pool
oh yes.
fifteen feet deep
fingers on the drain
you know the rules
up up up up up!
GASP!
its rushing into my lungs
so fast i cough
gimme more.

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble

2004-09-25T13:15:00.000-07:00

"when we empty the trash from our hearts, we must be quick to fill it back up witht he Lord or else more trash will quickly fill its place"

How true is that?!
Seriously.
One of the things that I find so difficult about the christian life is the constant binge and purge of emotions. Thats not to say that I don't absolutely cherish every bit of it...it's just tiring.
So how do i find that balance?
Pull out my grace card?
I find myself using it probably too frequently, honestly, and thats something I need to change immediately.
We all do it, but how do we quit?
Its a tricky dillema.
The Lord gives us grace. Obviously it was his intention. However, we constantly do things KNOWING we are going to have to repent. So why do we continue to do these things? On paper it sounds so easy. Its so black and white. Don't sin. Do your best. If you do sin, its not necessairily okay, but you can be forgiven...we just expect change.
In real life, its less than easy. I'd go as far as to say it is a constant struggle I face.
Its that expected change that doesn't come so easy.
How do you remove the flesh from your heart?
What about ME as an individual?
Its very simple...right?
Well yes, but its also very difficult.
You have to keep yourself in constant check. Always putting yourself back in line.
Emotions are very powerful. Theres no doubt.

God is amazing in the fact that through him, we can accomplish anything we ask him to set our hearts to be ready for.
Its just a matter of actually being willing to do whatever it is he says is right.
He tells us when to put something on hold, when we need to put things aside. When we need to slow down for our own good.
I am willing. PRAISE GOD! I am finally willing.
I've said I was before, but I've held back. In some way or another. Whether it be my pride, my money, my time or even my thoughts. I havent completely given him what he deserves. Not that any of us are fully capable of giving him as much as he would ever deserve. But together in fellowship, we can at least come closer.
I've just got to keep praying and keep asking him to show me the areas of my heart that I need to work on so that I can serve him completely.

2004-09-25T01:29:00.000-07:00

i'm reading boy meets girl
too many mentions in such a short period of time made me feel like i was delaying the inevitable.
and my goodness!
what a revelation!

my confidence in the Lord is s o a r i n g.
i am patient
yet
i can't sit still
!
praise God!

on another note:
last night i did punkrock karaoke and it was quite possibly the funnest thing ever!
stay tuned for photos.

commiting commerce

2004-09-23T01:25:00.000-07:00

20% of americans consume 80% of the goods sold here.

2004-09-12T10:43:00.000-07:00

all i want to do is eat cookies, knit, cry and listen to jeff tweedy sing.

oh!hormones...

to learn more, talk to your doctor

2004-09-06T22:18:00.000-07:00

"my mother once told me that if you've already thought it you've already sinned so you might as well say it" -ashleigh

two or four bits or pieces?

2004-09-05T01:38:00.000-07:00

One thing I have found that is most difficult in this life we have on earth, is knowing you've met [and known for the upwards of five years for that matter] the person that was made for you.
What is even more difficult is the fear of thinking how it would ever work out.
And worse yet, is the matter of completely avoiding the topic of obvious perfectness for fear you are only being humored as to not have your feelings hurt.
I'd imagine thats probably the rejected child/teenager in me.
Then again, I never offerd myself to anyone to actually get to know me until i was roughly eighteen.
I doubt I would change anything given the chance.
I battle with feelings of ultimate contentment and absolute helplessness.
This wouldn't be such a terrible thing if I was not so sure of the fact that you never get to feel like you are satisfied with what you're doing.
There will always be the constant drive inside of us to what more money/love/success/luxury items/muscles/food/(fill in the blank)/friends.

OH! to have been born a simpleton.....

I've had a good few days.
Good, not great though.

I could talk about the clothes I bought(because I bought some very nice things).
I could talk about the people I hung out with(for once, I had company).
But it really doesn't even matter..
I can not shake this vitamin taste.

on having to wake up alone

2004-08-30T20:37:00.000-07:00

yesterday i made homemade pasta.
i didn't have a recipe or anything, but i was watching PBS and they made pasta on a cooking show and i just sort of.. guessed.
actually i let the dough sit for a day because in the middle of making it, caroline came over unexpectedly and i went to denton with her for the night.
i didnt have a pasta press, so i just used a rolling pin and rolled it out very thin.
it was really rewarding. to cut the noodles into thin strips and get to boil them instantly.
i tossed my pasta with olive oil, tomato and basil.
it was really good.
to have the flour on my shirt and just get to put my weight into cooking again[literally.. you need to use your weight to knead the dough]
i spent three years of my life in a kitchen creating food for people to appreciate and love.
somehow, though.. when i left denton, i left my desire to cook also.
somewhere packed up in my boxes of knives and spices, that desire is waiting to be reopened.
when i was in denton, i also got to cook.
i made "chicken on a can"
which is basically a roasted chicken with a can of orange soda in itso that the orange cooks into the meat and vegetables.
i pierced garlic cloves int othe meat and tossed potato, onion, tomato, and broccoli around the chicken.
it was a great meal..
i don't know if i love cooking as much as the actual feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction.
its one of the things i have truly vested much of my heart into...
and though i know that i wont ever want to cook again as my career choice.. it did remind me that when i do get it in my head [and heart] that i want to do something, i don't let much stand in my way.
and i cant wait for this next stage of my life.

i've spent a long time resting.. just over a year now.. and i feel that it may be time to find out what is in store for me.
i know i cant stay in the same place.
part of me staying here for so long has been fear.
i am so afraid of being alone..
and i mean that on every level possible.

we'll see what happens.

rest

2004-08-23T21:47:00.000-07:00

i've begun running.
literally? or figuratively...

God is not going to let me down.
he is making that very apparent.

he will always follow through.
even when others let me down, when i let myself down.
the Lord triumphantly returns.
lifts me up. and carries me to the next place of rest.

off her rocker

2004-08-18T18:47:00.000-07:00

boomerang bangs.
watch out.

more and more and more

2004-08-12T22:40:00.000-07:00

well, after much thought and panick and prayer
i know what ia m supposed to do.
of course, its nothing even close to what i thought it would be
but its been weighing heavily on me
and i know its what i am supposed to do right now.
i am scared and nervous and so unbelievably excited.
i'll dig deeper into this later.
but this is somethign i knwo that i have to do in order to feel like i can do anything i put my mind to.
it may take a while, but i dont think i can let myself down.
not anymore.
when i say something, whatever it is. i mean it. and i dont let my "right now" thought process get in the way.
so in writing this, i am making it legitamate.
even if you have no idea what i am talking about.
i am holding myself to it.
i'm not one to back out of anything i start.
and thats not something thats going to change.

i am beginning to suprise myself.
actually, God is beginning to suprise me.
more and more and more.
i just have to remember to keep listening.

whew!

i thought about that

2004-08-11T22:23:00.000-07:00

my webcam turns all my black t shirts purple?
i dont really understand why.. maybe i should wear more of it.
i'll look into that.

today was awesome.
it was like.. 70 degrees, so i hopped in the shark [top soo down]
wearing the op shorts, flip flops and a hoodie and i went to super target
i am so excited about fall coming!
i bought my mom a cordless phone for her birthday.
heres to hoping she doesnt know how to get to this website.

wilco was on david letterman
and john heder[napoleon dynamite] was on jimmy kimmel

i never thought of myself as 'someone who watches talk shows'
but apparently thats pretty much all i watch.
[see also: oprah winfrey]
unless its pbs.
last night i couldnt go to sleep until the peter, paul and mary hosted pledge drive was over. like seriously could not go to sleep!
as a result of that.. i overslept 2 hours.
and i totally didnt even get in trouble.
!

i am feeling very alive.
praise God!

2000

2004-08-10T16:44:00.000-07:00

i don't know whats happening.
all i can do is keep praying.

the longer i lay here

2004-08-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

"i need a miracle. someone to help me help myself" -david bazan

i do not know what i would do without you lou.
thank-you for being such a blessing.
thank-you for reminding me the importance of fellowship.

2004-08-08T20:47:00.000-07:00

church tonight sucked.
seeing as pastor is out of town, ____ "played pastor"
and i just left feeling very disappointed in today.
it was so redundant and UGH!
i am so mad right now.
i shouldnt even be writing this.
i feel like she was preeching so much and repeating the same things that people started acting like fools so that she would just stop with her redundancy.
i also felt like she was rooting for everyone to get drunk in the holy spirit, almost forcefully, so that she wouldnt feel so self concious with a bunch of unimpressed kids staring at her.
i walked in completely ready for a touch from God, and left feeling like i should have stayed home.
i've never seen such a display of chaos.
well, i have.. but this was certainly negative.
it seemed to somehow falsify my belief that she was ready to be a pastor.
ughhhh!!!

make that TWO flat tires.
last week[since its sunday] was VERY trying.
and this start does not look good.

maybe i ought to.....

2004-08-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

my favorite time
is
when the sunshine
shines
through the clouds
in parallel lines
breaking in the sky
between
the blues
and
the whites.

amen.

breath

2004-08-07T22:30:00.000-07:00

of fresh air!

the fact that i am continually reminded that i am a trooper [despite all the trials i continually face] really helps me out a lot.
you're given what you can handle, and suprisingly, that includes support.
i'm just so painfully thankful for every person in my life.
especially those of you who continue to remind me that i really am a good person.

i'm so glad tomorrow is sunday!

hopefully ka and his lady will be at church.

it will be really great to see their faces.

despite today being so long and trying, it was full of talks of faith, love and reminding myself that i am never satisfied with just knowing how to do one thing.
it was brought to my attention, that though i havent finished college, i have learned a a miriad of things i would have never learned how to do had i not followed that path i chose.
i've learned such profound lessons and i don't know if i have ever been as satisfied with myself as i am right now.
not to say i am happy to stay where i am, but i am excited to find out where i go next.

have you ever actually thoguht about how great the concept of every day is a new day its fascinating.
mindblowing.
and so true.
each day is a fresh start!
[even if your day wasn't bad, the next holds the chance for completely new experiences]
i can not wait for tomorrow..

and this all came from a flat tire...

college dropout

2004-08-05T21:59:00.000-07:00

my day was just made instantly better
because
kanye west is on jimmy kimmel

"the way kathy lee needed regis, thats the way i need jesus"

heres all i know.

2004-08-05T21:16:00.000-07:00

all i really did today was read and take a bath.
i had a lot of things i NEEDED to do, and i basically just layed around all day.
my focus was lacking and i feel like i have absolutely no direction.
i'm absolutely dreading going to work the next 3 days.
weekends are bad enough, then you add the fact that its tax free weekend AND friends and family weekend..
its like retail hell.
i dont know why i get so stressed out about life.
its like i KNOW how to live right and i can apply it for a little while.
then i just fall down.
but ah.
i'm just sad i guess.
my sisters are going to college and moving out and i'm going to be here alone with my dying miserable parents asking me for moneyand screaming at me and with no friends.
there is ZERO positivity in this place..
i'm really really afraid of the days to come.

i don't want to be like this.

i don't know what to do right now.

i'll just keep praying for answers, i guess.

oh!

2004-08-03T23:05:00.000-07:00

him: what are you doing in 15 hours?
her: !
her: talking to you
him: awww
him: yes.
him: I was hoping you'd say
her: "going to lunch with you"
him: "driving my boyfriend back to Dallas"

what a creator!

2004-08-01T22:13:00.000-07:00

so the Lord never ceases to amaze me...
I mean, after all, he DID create us so anything is possible.. right?
If before tonight I had any inkling whatsoever that he may not be working miracles, its been completely wiped away.

Going to church tonight, I knew big things were in store. I knew God was waiting to burst in and do works that would add some sort of validity to our faith.
WELL!
praise God!
The service started off normal enough. As normal as can be at DBC.
We prayed and sang and things were going good. God was moving and I could absolutely feel his presence surging through the room.
I've always heard pastor Cleetus talk about gold dust raining on everyone covering things, fillings turning gold etc. But I've always remained skeptical because 'that type of thing just does not happen.'
I couldn't have been more wrong!
As we prayed, we asked for fire to fill our hands. That the lord would bless us and change us and start a fire[etc etc same ol]
Well as we moved on, I felt like I couldnt close my hands. They were physically heavy. I couldnt stop holding them out in praise..it was like i was holding a weight and I couldnt let go of it, I could share it but it wouldnt subside.
I tried to ignore it and just rest my hands in my lap as Pastor went on, but it was soon brought to my attention that many of the other people in church.. I would say nearly half were experiencing the exact same thing.
It was so insane. I've never seen or experienced anything like it. Something was obviously going on so we started to pray and ask God to continue to move.
OUR HANDS!
a person across the room noticed it first.. little sparkles on their hands..
I looked down and they were forming on my hands as well!
I didn't know what to do. I was elated. I just submerged myself in prayer.
As I continued to pray, glancing down every few minutes more and more showed up until it was completely visible. gold dust!
we always pray for gold, and there- before my own skeptic sight!
a miracle!
So as to not assume I was seeing things, I went and sat with my sisters and their friend Braidy, who had never attended church before. It was apparent they all were experiencing the same thing. The fire had came down from heaven. Meri was sweating and a burn-like welt appeared on her hand. They too had gold dust covering their hands. Noone ever saw it fall, but it definately formed on a majority of the people in attendances hands.
I was afraid to touch anything for fear it would disappear.
I can't explain it. But I am certain it was the Lord moving.

what a wonderful and magnificent creator we have.
my mind is absolutely blown.
praise God!

focus factor

2004-08-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

i thought i had something to update but nothing is new.
i wish it wasn't so expensive to exist.
i had a really bratty day..
fortunately it was made better this evening.

CAUTION:explosives

2004-07-30T19:36:00.000-07:00

My skin crawled with anticipation all day as I watched the clock tick-tock.
I was ready to be off.
or
I did not want to be at work.
I only worked 12-7, but thoughts of being anywhere but the mall filled me so full they were spilling from my rims!
[glasses joke]
I guess you could say my eyes sparkled. Celebratory champagne.
Today was going to be a good day.
I was certain of it when I woke up.
I was still certain of it when my car was full of steam from my rain covered seats mixing with the texas morning heat bath. So what if it smells like a wet dog, right?
Gag me.
I digress.
things have been good lately. very good.
I love that I am changing daily.
I love the freedom I have been handed for simply giving myself to God.
Things keep getting better and better.
!
after work today, I went upstairs to the movie theatre. I stood in line and had every intention of finally seeing Napoleon Dynamite[spelling?]
but for some reason, I turned around and left.
probably because it was friday night and every 11 year old in north dallas was there and I didnt want my solo movie voyage to be ruined by the beeps and bloops of text messages sounding while braces faces kissed painfully in front of me..
I'll go to the matinee next week.
it'll be less expensive, anyway.

skinny fingers slinky stingers

2004-07-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

i have never been so excited for the future and what it has in store as i am right now.

well

2004-07-29T16:10:00.000-07:00

i'm just trying to figure out how this works..